ink for thought: 07.09

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

the kiss

Then she kissed me. Without any warning, any invitation, right there in the middle of the street, stuck between a supermarket and a train station she walked up and kissed me. She kissed me like we had been kissing for years. The kiss spoke of time wasted yet with sweetest promises of time to yet be, it proclaimed freedom and vitality and singularity of purpose, it sang with passion and abandon and wanton disregard. At that very second my mind was filled with only her, in that instant of purest clarity it was like all creation had fallen away embodied in this one perfect moment, this one perfect kiss and her, the deliverer thereof. I stood there as the clear summer’s day died, casting a rich red and purple haze across the western sky and for the first time I saw clearly everything that we were. Or rather, everything that she was. Her smile and the way she turned into my hand as I run my fingers across the back of her neck, her eyes that blazed with passion as much when we argued as they shone when she laughed. And her laugh, oh I missed her laugh. Had it really been that long? I feel like I’ve just come up for air, like a prisoner released from confinement beneath the earths surface. An eternity apart then a chanced encounter had led to this and here we are. I didn’t realise how much I missed her until now. I ache with the suddenness of this realisation and at the same time I am soothed by her very presence, her scent, her warmth. Torturous in its intensity but completely irresistible (perhaps I cannot will not resist) I commit myself to a total surrender to her. It is then I know that I cannot be without her. And it is only then I know that I can not be without her. But all is not well. In this moment of clarity, this moment of bare, brazen, introspective honesty, I see one more thing. I see that we cannot be together, I see why we drifted apart, I see passion lost, hearts betrayed and tears cried in secret places and words, angry and contorted, spoken in public. Tears gather like little storm clouds in my eyes and as much as I will them away with lids firmly shut reality will not be denied. And in that moment I do the cowardly thing, I take the easy route. I give in to the perfect kiss, I give in to the perfect embrace and as I listen to it tell the story of us I kiss her in return. And we draw apart.

Friday, 10 July 2009


a knot in my chest. a lump in my throat. lips pursed on the cusp of trembling and a tear on the verge of fullness.

clouds weeping like saddened angels on the day of rebellion. sky shuddering under the weight of thunderous sobs yet to be born. shards of lightening providing momentary glimpses into the sorrow.

a knot in my chest. a lump in my throat. a hole in my heart.


Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Honest Scrap

In a bold step out of familiar territory I'm going to take up this challenge thrown down by the truly sublime shansPlc. I know it's an award but when you're as bereft of original, vaguely interesting facts, as I am....believe me, it's a challenge. Having said that, this is my first award, I am honoured to receive it and would encourage all and sundry to head over to the word and follow the unfolding story. don't be a lazy bum like me and end up reading the whole thing backwards, go back and read from the start.

I've been told that it works like this:

1) Tell your readers 10 things that are true that they might not know
2) Tag 10 other bloggers to do the same

with no further ado...

1) growing up I almost never walked in straight line anywhere and would invariably find every ditch and gully to walk in or insects to chase and animals (cows and such) to harass along the way.

2) despite what I may have said before, my earliest memory is of my faded and peeled red tractor that I part owned with my brother when we lived in our parents first home.

3) in the summer of 1990 I was almost shot by the paramilitary force that had taken over the government for breaking curfew.

4) when young I was fond of all animals. until a cat bit me....I bit it back.

5) I mask my insecurities with bravado and eloquence. I've done it for so long I don't know who people like more, me or the face I show them.

6) growing up I was always compared to my father because we are almost identical in facial features and, surprisingly, mannerisms.

7) I used to spend hours watching the tumble dryer in my basement, working out the number of cycles based upon the rotation of the particular item I was focussing on.

8) the high standards I demand of myself and the fear my insecurities foster cripple me from attempting many of the things I aspire to.

9) I would love everyone a lot more if I could just figure out how to love myself.

10) if you've read all of these and believe them to be true, you know more about me than most people I've known all my life.

and now for my tags:

1) Afro jellybaby at a road less travelled

4) Moonjava at Moonjava's Muse

5) John at Joh Blogs

6) lainee at got ice cream?

8) Jenn at Free and Flawed

10) little erin at erin uncensored